Dating and Discourse with Jacob Falkovich

This week we’re joined by our friend Jacob Falkovich. Jacob publishes some of the best “White-pilled” dating advice out there on his blog Second Person, and in addition to being a great Twitter follow he’s also known for putanumonit.

We discuss the importance and fear of taking agency in dating, the negativity bias prevalent in dating discourse, and the limited use-cases for dating apps. Jacob suggests taking a break from the metanarratives about dating (and how hopeless it is) to focus on your actual experiences—who are you meeting, what kind of things do you want to do with a partner (as opposed to what can you notice about them in the first 10 seconds) or what is your actual dating market and is there a way to make it more favorable? We also touch on transactional relationships and the impact of identity and social norms on dating choices. Jacob suggests that when looking for a match, it’s always helpful if you generally like and care about people of the other sex, but he’s optimistic even about incels who he thinks are just “one smile from a cute girl away” from tossing their self-defeating ideology in the bin. Stay tuned to the end to hear Jacob’s take on the Barbie movie!

Chapters

00:00 Navigating Modern Relationships

02:53 The Negativity Bias in Dating Discourse

05:46 Understanding Mating Markets

09:08 The Role of Agency in Dating

12:03 Legibility and Attractiveness in Dating

14:48 The Search for Compatibility

18:10 The Impact of Social Circles on Dating

20:56 Self-Improvement vs. Acceptance in Relationships

23:48 The Complexities of Female Competition

27:04 Navigating Dating Apps and Recommendations

36:26 Navigating Societal Pressures on Personal Choices

39:18 The Dynamics of Gender Solidarity and Misandry

45:35 Critique of the Sexual Revolution and Its Impact

51:45 Transactional Relationships vs. Positive Sum Dynamics

01:06:29 Understanding Personal Desires in Relationships

01:11:38 Navigating Relationships and Social Expectations

01:18:55 The Search for Meaningful Connections

01:25:56 Cultural Influences on Relationships

01:35:31 Reflections on the Barbie Movie and Gender Norms

01:41:20 The Role of Community in Relationships